Omari's Blog

The Conversation by Hill Harper is a book about black romantic relationships. The author recounts a story about an older black couple at a party. He says the couple fell "senselessly" in love while in college and married in short order, despite the entreaties of the groom's friends, who told him that he was much too young to get married.

The thought of falling "senselessly" in love puts stars in my eyes. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. Lately though I am starting to wonder if people just don't fall "senselessly" in love when they're thirty years old. Sometimes all the ingredients are there for real senseless falling: amazing conversation, compatible goals, shared interests, off-the-charts physical attraction, flirtatious glances...

But when you're thirty years old, that's not all. There are always the ghosts of past lovers in the room, and the pain of past hurts. There's a bit of caution, some reserve, to guard against future hurts. There are always ostensible reasons not to fall senselessly in love: shortly after a breakup, it's "oh well, I'm not ready for anything serious right now." Several months later it becomes "I feel like I'm just getting on my feet again and reestablishing my life." A year or two later it's "oh, my life is so wonderful now. I don't really need to add someone else to make me happy. I don't want to give up what I have."

As you can tell, at some time or another I've told myself all these things. Part of me thinks they are all perfectly valid and reasonable. Some other part of me, though, wonders if I'm just afraid of falling senselessly in love; scared to toss caution aside and to jump in with both feet; craving love and lust while terrified of the prospect of heartbreak.

Of course this isn't something that only happens when you're thirty. I knew women in college with whom I could have fallen senselessly in love, but even then there were ghosts in the room that got in the way. But maybe it's worse when you're thirty years old. Maybe falling senselessly in love is silly. Maybe I'm being corny when I romanticize it. But part of me wants it. There are lots of ghosts and lessons that accompany the experience of having been in various relationships over the past decade. Yet part of me hopes that I can still fall senselessly in love. Maybe I just need to let go.

posted at: 10:16 | path: / | permanent link to this entry