Omari's Blog

I'm a little stunned that some people seem to believe that it is okay to lie in personal relationships in order to gain tactical advantage. Here, the story is that a woman met two men online and really likes one of them, but wants to keep the other as a backup.

Some suggested that one can tell the backup man that "I'll be busy with a project for a few weeks" while pursuing matters with the top pick man. Somehow this was seen as "less harsh" than just informing the backup man of his status.

Less harsh, maybe. A manipulative lie, absolutely. I wonder when these people decide to stop lying about material matters in their relationships?

Dating is tricky. I've had people suggest that someone should have lied to me under some circumstances, or that I should have lied in other circumstances. I've had people tell me the truth in difficult situations, which I have always appreciated. I've told the truth in other situations--not brutally, and sometimes not even the whole truth. I have said "we're not a good fit" (the truth, but not the whole truth) or "I go out with other people" (the whole truth) or "I'm going to cancel our outing; I've met someone and she is really neat" (the whole truth.) No one has ever told me "oh, I wish you had spared my feelings by lying to me." It's almost certain I've been lied to, and I'm not grateful for that--I can handle the truth.

I'm no Pollyanna who thinks that it is never, ever okay to lie, but lying to gain tactical advantage in personal relationships is never okay under any circumstance. It's actually quite low and disgusting. I shudder to think that proponents of such slimy behavior are brazen enough to suggest that it's a actually a good idea. I'm not naive; I know there are liars out there, but I would think they have enough moral sense to take a shower and feel shameful after their reprehensible adventures.

posted at: 12:10 | path: / | permanent link to this entry